The Paradox of Solitude and Connection
Discovering the Beauty of Being Seen: How Vulnerability, Observation, and Community Shape Our Inner and Shared Realities
In the journey of life, we all grapple with a paradox: we are alone in our minds, yet deeply crave connection.
Sometimes we find ourselves alone on a path.
We find that no one is able to truly share in the unique experience we are going through, as no one shares our mind, our body, or our being…and this combination of unique qualities grants us a once in a lifetime journey.
Alone.
I remember being a child, lying in my bed at night unable to sleep sometimes, eyes wide and heart wild, mind untamed. I would wiggle my legs under the covers restlessly and allow my mind to wander. Without realizing what I was doing exactly, I would observe my thoughts—watching the trail of thoughts unfold before my eyes and at times, I was in awe of the places my mind would wander. I was fascinated by my own inner world and the creativity of my mind’s curiosity. When I would begin this thought process, I would be thinking of something I saw earlier in the day—an interaction I witnessed, an object at the park, a remark from a sibling—and it would spark a trail of continuous unfolding thoughts. Before I knew it, I am off in a distant land, traversing through uncharted mental territory and I think “I have never had these thoughts before!” Oh the thoughts I would find myself swimming in… I would contemplate the universe, outer space, remote jungles, God, question how my heart is beating, ask questions I couldn’t answer, tentatively approach my fearful thoughts of worst-case-scenarios, I would imagine my family members suddenly passing away, I would imagine being left alone, forced to survive in the world by myself, and what would happen if everyone I loved was gone.
And then a pause.
In some ways, I am already living that reality—alone in my thoughts, alone on this journey. “No one is in here but me.” In where? In my head, my world, my experience; in me.
“No one is in here but me.” In where? In my head, my world, my experience; in me.
From the moment I realized that no matter how deeply I loved someone—family, friends, or even strangers—they could never truly be close enough. They would never fully know my thoughts or where I was coming from. They would never really know what I meant when I said something. They would never know my thought process. They would never really know me. And I felt very, very alone.
…………………….
How do we balance the reality that we are alone with ourselves and also that we truly need community? This is a question that echoes throughout the human experience from the beginning. We are individuals with minds and hearts beating uniquely within us, yes. And we are also beings who yearn for connection, for sharing experiences, for belonging.
Our aloneness is a reality that we must each come to terms with and accept the perhaps solemn truth of our solitary inner journey, however the pull toward community—of being seen, understood, connected and supported—is undeniable.
A way that I have found solace from the harsh reality of aloneness is through vulnerability and acknowledgement of this feeling within myself. Though I can never share this inner landscape, I find comfort in knowing others grapple with it too and seek community. Whether it be through a group meditation, a yoga flow, a somatic shake, a dance party, a communal cry, a warm hug, a thoughtful gaze… there are ways to nod in agreement and validation of each other to say
“I see you. I feel something similar.” You can be alone and not feel lonely.
This existential cry can be overwhelming at times and it begs for a safe space to ebb and flow through the beautiful laughs and the wailing sobs of the heart.
Each of our paths are set for us to journey alone—to uncover our strength, reclaim our intuitive senses, and open ourselves to expand.
The irony is that change occurs through observation, as seen in the double-slit theory. While it doesn’t directly address consciousness, it philosophically and poetically suggests that awareness might shape reality in profound ways (the double-slit experiment shows that tiny particles act differently depending on whether they’re being watched. When no one is observing, they spread out like waves, but when observed, they behave more like solid objects. You can read a bit more here).
I often wonder if there is something magical that occurs when we witness each other… when another person “observes” another person’s healing, realizations, coming into power… that it changes the way in which that person functions.
Maybe it brings more potency or more validity to the experience. Perhaps it catalyzes something into being, simply by sharing the experience with another person.
We may not know how awareness shapes existence, but sharing life with others is undeniably more fruitful than succumbing to solitude.
FreedOhm Wellness is committed to nurturing healing and a sense of belonging.